Eleven years ago today, I married my husband Rob. I love him more today, than the day I married him. It’s a different kind of love. It’s aged, it’s fine, it’s mature and more important it’s a “deep seeded in your soul” kind of love. We have three children, including a set of twins, and have moved across the country three times. I spent half of his military career with him. He’s not the type of guy who needs gifts, praise or even acknowledgment, but I’m the kind of girl who likes to give it. We’re different that way. They say opposites attract, and I guess that’s true with us. We balance each other out. My marriage is not perfect. We have are ups and downs, but mainly it’s balanced — I’ve come to really appreciate that. He retired from a 20 year career in the military on this day last year. I wrote a speech for him then, and I write this for him today.
“Any fool can fall in love” Isn’t that what Louis De Bernieres said in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin? I was that fool. I fell hard and fast for you my love. You’re calm strong presence was comforting to my tender heart. Your kind eyes and strong physique made me feel safe– like I was home. Almost instantly, we knew that we were madly in love. I couldn’t get enough of your impulsive desire to want to spend your life with me– I couldn’t get enough of your desire period.
Oh Love– the first few days, weeks and years. That intoxicating drug that swirls around our souls and leaves us feeling euphoric and invincible. I cherish those years, just as I cherish you now. 11 years later, I am blown away by our affair. Three children including a set of twins has left us exhausted and like two passing room mates weaving our way through the weight of modern life.
We’re like two river rocks joined together. We started out so big and strong, rough and raw, so blind to the rivers turbulence downstream. We have been tumbled and turned, thrown and crashed. We have seen a few class A’s with it’s glassy gentle water, and we have seen some Class V rapids, and through it all I have learned that love takes a level of maturity and selflessness that no one tells you about when you are first starting out.
It takes courage and acceptance. It takes energy and consciousness. Love is not, “What can you do for ME?” Love is, “What can I do for YOU?” It’s a choice you make, and is underscored at the end of the day when the world has hoodwinked every last bit of sense from your brain and instead of plopping yourself down and saying, “I’ve had it!” Love is mustering one last bit of energy to lift that hood and ask, “How can I make you feel cherished?” Love is caring for another in a very grown up way– sometimes not receiving anything in return, but more times than not, it is a mirror. It’s not focusing on what you DON’T like about someone, it is spotlighting all of the things you DO like and repeating every day, year after year, through Class A’s and Class V’s.
Oh Love- We have become more smooth together. We have just begun to see the color and textures below the surface of our craggy rocks. Sure, I’ve wanted to throw you out onto the shore and carry on without you, but those are temporary moments of derangement. Love is laughing in the face of darkness.
Love is growing smooth as a mirror together.
Love is you.
Happy 11th Anniversary Rob.