Why I Need To Be Quiet

Today I had the privilege of writing on Carla Birnberg’s blog. I have been a huge admirer, loyal fan and follower of Carla’s writing for many years, so it was such an honor. Please head over there, check out it out, leave her a comment if you like– the post is titled “Kindness Doesn’t Always Scream.”

Here we are 6 weeks out from my second Boston Marathon, and I have the almost expected “overuse pain/injury”. This time, it’s my shin and hamstring. It feels like my entire lower left side is throbbing. I was so hopeful when I wrote “Do The Things That Make Your Heart Race,” but life doesn’t work in perfect harmony with your plans does it?

I am on day three of no running and although my pain seems a little better, it’s still no where near to the place I need it to be to return to my training plan. I am doing everything I can to speed this process, but the reality is, it’s better for me to take time off six weeks out, then it is to be injured on race day.

No matter what I do, every time I become hopeful about a race, life throws a speed bump at me. I know so many of you can relate. It doesn’t matter how old I get, life never gets easier, you just learn to accept things as they come.

So this morning the dog and I went for a nice long walk and I accepted and found gratitude in this situation. I came to realize why I need to be quiet. Life is SO noisy, so, so noisy. The kind of noise that wears on your soul. When you live it day after day, the same kind of noise begins to clutter your mind, so that even when you have quiet moment, your head is not.

I need quiet like I need food. I may seem like an extroverted person, and I can be, but I crave my alone time.

Taking a long disconnected walk reminds me that the sounds that fill my brain with energy are natural. Like a tree full of happy hummingbirds, or the whisper of wind moving. The smells of nature put a smile on my face – wild lavender, sage brush, and a sycamore tree after a day of rain. It’s the sights all around me that bring me joy: dew drops on a leaf, a snail using all of her energy to move across a path, a rabbit eating fresh green grass, a squirrel whisking through an oak tree. It’s like winning the lottery for my senses and completely cleanses my brain. I feel renewed and happy. Being outside and quiet is pure joy for me.

I know this sounds overly deep for some of you, go ahead and laugh. I laugh with you- I’m a complete nerd. I sound like a person who’s just read Walden Pond. I roll my eyes with you. I am a very deep, and emotional person, I understand that about myself and I can go overboard sometimes, but it’s me. It’s a huge, important part of my life that I make no apologies for.

I am not the richest, or the smartest person, but I do know the secret to happiness.. at least for me, and that is nature and feeling my oneness with her. She is my muse, my sanctuary, my peace and joy. I have come to count on these quiet moments, to recall when my life is full of the wrong kind of noise. I take a breath and remember those happy hummingbirds, or the adventurous spirit of the agile squirrel. I breathe in the smell of sage and lavender. All of those moments remind me that I’m human, that I am a part of this earth, not separate.

Maybe this painful leg isn’t all that bad. Maybe the pain is God’s way of slowing me down for a moment so He can say, “hello in there,” to me. I’m Okay with that. In fact, nothing could bring me more joy than knowing He is right there by my side.

I have heard that with age I will crave the company of others, and the ability to go outside whenever I want. I most certainly believe that’s true. When those moments come in my future, I will always have the permanent memory of the sound of the wind in the trees, or the smell of fresh lavender to calm me down. I know for sure that I will not remember the sounds of emails or incoming text messages. I will not remember the frenzied customers ordering their lattes at Starbucks, or the crazy “to-do” lists I create in my mind everyday. Nope, those will be a distant and unimportant memory.

This is why I NEED to be quiet.