“Well at least you’re not in wheelchair,” your friend says to you, or “It could be so much worse” your neighbor suggests. Maybe, it’s “Be grateful for what you have” or “Time heals all wounds.” These are most likely very well meaning, loving people in our lives, but sometimes this isn’t what we need to hear in the moment.
Many people, for one reason or another, don’t want to see you hurt, or perhaps have a different level of sensitivity, or deal with their own issues in a very cut and dry way. I know I have shelled out my share of unsolicited advise like this, and then regretted saying it almost immediately.
Last Friday, I was going through Pinterest and stumbled upon one of my original images and quotes that had been put on Pinterest by another website (all of the traffic was going to their site). The image had been pinned over 11,000 times. I looked at the picture and my heart raced- in my mind I was thinking: “All of my hard work and effort, all of my sweat and tears I’ve put into my site, and someone else JUST STOLE IT and is now riding on the coat tails of my effort.” Some may say, “Big deal, get over it” and some say, “I’m so sorry,” others will try and find the silver lining. To me, after a long week of dealing with other pressures of life, I was really upset, so much so I cried and didn’t sleep well that night.
Here is the image that was used—> Feel free to Pin it! LOL
My friend Michelle is the runner closet to us in this picture.
The original post that the image was taken from is HERE
I realize that this issue doesn’t seem like a big deal to many people, and that there are MANY people suffering a great deal more than this small affair– I am fully aware, and I have a great deal of empathy for those who are enduring true hardship, but just because someone is going through deep anguish, does this mean that I should not feel anything toward my less monumental affair?
Since becoming a mother almost a decade ago, I have developed this less than desirable habit of stuffing and feeling guilty for “feeling sorry for myself.” I am the one who is supposed to comfort, support, wipe tears over a small cut, and scoop my child up after schoolyard scuffle. After all, I spend a huge part of my life feeling sorry for the minuscule. Why do I do this? Because I have learned that by telling my kids to “get over it” and “stop crying” only makes them cry more. I have found that as much as I want to roll my eyes at them, that if I have true empathy, they miraculously feel better– almost instantly. People just want to be acknowledged.
After my sleepless night, I dragged myself out of bed and to my friend Keena’s house for my Saturday morning long run. I told her what was happening and she said, in so many words, “you need to feel sorry for yourself.” Wow! She was right. I met up with her and my friend Michelle (who, ironically happens to be the girl in the photo that was stolen). We all looked at each other, cried for one reason or another (nothing monunmental, but perhaps to us), felt sorry for ourselves for a good 5 minutes, had a group hug and went out the door and spent 2 hours and 25 minutes talking about how grateful we are for all that we have in our lives. We finished our 15 mile run feeling strong, happy, and alive. We all went home and had our woes to deal with, but by allowing ourselves to have compassion for ourselves and each other, we were able to move on and deal with our strife in a positive and strong way.
I am writing this much as a reminder to myself, that it’s important to think before we speak to those going through the big and little issues, and to remember that most of the time when people are hurting, what they need more than anything is empathy. You also need to remember this feeling toward yourself… that it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself, no matter how small you may think your problem is– have yourself a good old fashion pity party, so that you can move on—the key here is don’t dwell in your self pity, have a small pity gathering so that you can gain your strength to deal with whatever it is that is causing you pain– this amount of time will vary from person to person and from situation to situation.
[bctt tweet=”Is it OK to feel sorry for yourself? #fitfluential”]
Have you ever found yourself in the situation that when you were hurting, and a well meaning person makes you feel guilty by saying something like– “It could always be worse” or “Everything happens for a reason” ?
Do you feel guilty for having a pity party when you know that there are so many people who have truly dire circumstances?
Do you think it’s okay to allow yourself a small moment of feeling sorry for yourself, and does that help you move on?
Doesn’t the image that was taken from me, tell me exactly what I should do? I need to take my own advise! LOL