As many of you may know, the Underwater Samurai was given orders to report to a postion in Southern California, so after four years in the Northern Virginia/ DC area my family and I sold and packed up our house and made the long trek across the country.
I headed to the airport with three kids and a cat (it took two grown adults and two hours to catch him and put him in his carrier — poor baby) and boarded an American Airlines flight bound for Los Angeles. Meanwhile, Underwater Samurai stayed back to wrap things up, drive across the USA with the cars, and join us a week or so later. On the 5 hour flight, my children and the cat were so great! I was blessed to have happy, mature kids and a silent cat that day. To make things even better AA treated me like a VIP. The entire crew of this plane went above and beyond the call of duty to make sure I was comfortable and taken care of. Here are two of these hard working, first class flight attendants..
Then we landed in Los Angeles… the beginning of the next chapter of our lives.
Since the housing market in this area is undergoing very tumultuous times right now, we are still in temporary housing (staying with my Mom…how fortunate we have been to have her support). We continue to try and find the right place to live, with the right schools, neighborhood, commute and most importantly within our budget. This has proven to be a huge challenge, however, we continue to be hopeful that our home is out there. In addition to the usual pressures of moving a household of three small children on a cross country relocation, we have had circumstances beyond our control make this time in our lives very stressful.. so difficult that I found myself unable to maintain my blog posts. However, here I am, because just like in running if you stay away too long that becomes your habit. I can only allow myself to feel down for so long and then I must pick myself up, trust in a higher power, and carry on. The main thing that has gotten me through these tough times, other than my kids, husband and Mother are this…
I was having a particularly difficult day dealing with all of this when I read her post. It was that moment when the heavy darkness lifted from me, I read more and more about how she “embraced the pain” how “pain was weakness leaving the body.” I went from a slumping position to strong shoulders, from a heaviness in my eyes to them being wide open, from brain fog to clarity of mind. As I read her words, the little voice in my mind said “yes, yes, yes”. She was referring to running but I was applying it to my life circumstances and things began to feel so much better. I can do this, I can get through this. I am way stronger than the dialog that was going on in my mind. The conversation in my head were the words of others telling me who I am and I was giving them permission to define me. I have no control over others’ opinions of me, but I am the boss of my own actions and thoughts.
I am 44 years old and still trying to navigate through my pain. I am uncertain of our future but I know one thing for sure and that is that there will be good times again, and after that there will be rough times, and then good, then rough, good, rough, etc. etc. Life is not unlike an ocean and events are like swells, some epic and others terrifying and difficult. We must not run from discomfort but rather learn to ride the wave of pain, as it is temporary and will return to sea at some point.
As Michelle mentions, embrace the pain and view it as weakness leaving your body. Learn to enjoy the breaks in between waves and be ready to surf the next big one. I don’t surf but there is reason surfers speak of their sport like a religion and say you become one with the ocean. They are not fighting or avoiding the waves, they are becoming a part of them. Become a part of your difficult times, stay focused, don’t fight it, and it will eventually go back out to sea. You are stronger and more brave than you think you are. We are all surfing through life… learn to enjoy the ride.
When you’re feeling like your life is out of control, where do you go for inspiration? What helps you push through?